For the full experience let this music video play in the back ground as you read.
I wanted to write this blog because this last year has been life changing and I know I am not quite were I want to be and there is still some distance on my path. I will not give up and this is the promise I made myself almost four years ago.
This is my motivation, everyone says there is a beginning and an end and what makes a difference is knowing when the end is coming and becoming aware and prepared. It has not been easy I am no longer going to hide the fact I needed help with becoming a better man. Always questioning my self always racing against the clock, I found my self reflecting on my children wondering what would they think about their dad? How would I be perceived by those that out live me? Have I done everything needed to be done to provide a stable and secure future? When I believe I have fallen short I do my best to pick up the slack and continue moving forward. We can not change the past and all though my past will always be with me, I know I have a chance to change my actions today in order to have a good memories for tomorrow. As I lay here through the night, on the bed I almost returned because I needed money; everyone is asleep in the house and the ringing in my ears is now more dominate. I can no longer keep hiding the fact I struggled and always feeling like this is something to be embarrassed about. I want to be true to myself and the world I live in. My stomach is rumbling, my back pain keeps me tossing and turning. Never comfortable always on edge; what have I become? Am I dying? I used to be the strong man that I thought everyone wanted to see but my body was starting to change like the waves of the sea. I can not expect you to understand my burdens, I just hope the VA provides a good surgeon. I do not want to in toxify everyone around me with my negative views. This is why educating myself has been so helpful in many ways because I am finally starting to see things from a different point of view, a positive one. Looking back on it now; I feel like I have died in Iraq because my mind had been closed off and my emotions were cut off. Even tho I consider myself a failure most the time or believe this is how people view me, I do believe I need to give myself some credit for things I have accomplished because I did not get here from just doing nothing. I have relied on people making choices for me and this is why it became difficult to make choices for myself after military service. How many more sacrifices do I have to make or have I made? Are my sacrifices worth the benefits? I would have to say yes because I ask what is a compliment worth? This connects with the importance of having friends and family support. Compliments are priceless and can be very strong in changing someones mood, self esteem, self worth, and much more. I am going to start writing about more positive things because when I have sat back and really take some time to think about things I am finally seeing everything I should be so grateful and the good things people do around me and some how start becoming more involved. This is part of my path to being a great asset to society. I am here to just help you think about, not only what others have been through but how important it is to take that little time that you use for pleasure or entertainment and use that time to educate yourself on a problem you face. Maybe you would rather watch a movie, maybe you would rather do something else, the fact of the matter is time waits for no one so if you are only sitting back and occupying your time by doing something other than trying to educate yourself and seek out as much knowledge as possible then tomorrow you wont get that Ferrari, your friend will. Changing the way I think has change everything, it has changed the way the children act and how they perform in school, it has change my weight (I lost 30 unwanted pounds), The things I do with my children has change because I spend more personal time with them. I am so grateful for my family and especially my
MOM because when I look back on past I ask myself today what has kept me from going down the wrong path or why I have not let the obstacles that stand in my way everyday hold me back from doing what I not only want to do but need to do, for the future of my children. I have only been able to do this because more than once in my life I have been taught to love, morals, and values. Yes I was seeking out the knowledge I lacked to become a man from the military but even wile serving we were being told time and time over again to "win the hearts and minds" which is what kept us on a path of good choices and actions during deployment. My Mom deserves the most credit because without the way I was raised I truly believe I would not be here today and would have been long gone down the wrong path. The biggest and scariest thing a mother could ever face, had became real as my mom was saying bye to my sister the last time and not even knowing it. This has been a tragedy in my mothers life as she struggles everyday with the fact that my sister never got justice and her body is just.......(somewhere) I truly am amazed how strong my mom is to continue moving forward and raise my sisters son. I know she will do well for this little boy and he will be well token care of because I am here as proof that over time hard work and sacrifice does pay off. So Thank You Mom, and all mothers out there. Thank you for being our children support, love, and comfort.
Thank You Cat :-* This woman has helped me become the man I am today, and everyday she is making me question myself my actions and she's always holding me accountable and motivating me to keep going like my own cheer leader, that believes in my views. She always helps me with our children and puts her self last, making sure everything is token care of so yes there is a woman hiding behind the curtain and I want to personally say thank you again. Just always remember no matter how hard something might be just remember its temporary and it's Never2Much. This will be one of my last long blog's because I will be writing a book and I am just not receiving enough support and fallow on here, in order to continue writing.
Your welcome to check out more of my work at: www.never2muchdesigns.us
This is my motivation, everyone says there is a beginning and an end and what makes a difference is knowing when the end is coming and becoming aware and prepared. It has not been easy I am no longer going to hide the fact I needed help with becoming a better man. Always questioning my self always racing against the clock, I found my self reflecting on my children wondering what would they think about their dad? How would I be perceived by those that out live me? Have I done everything needed to be done to provide a stable and secure future? When I believe I have fallen short I do my best to pick up the slack and continue moving forward. We can not change the past and all though my past will always be with me, I know I have a chance to change my actions today in order to have a good memories for tomorrow. As I lay here through the night, on the bed I almost returned because I needed money; everyone is asleep in the house and the ringing in my ears is now more dominate. I can no longer keep hiding the fact I struggled and always feeling like this is something to be embarrassed about. I want to be true to myself and the world I live in. My stomach is rumbling, my back pain keeps me tossing and turning. Never comfortable always on edge; what have I become? Am I dying? I used to be the strong man that I thought everyone wanted to see but my body was starting to change like the waves of the sea. I can not expect you to understand my burdens, I just hope the VA provides a good surgeon. I do not want to in toxify everyone around me with my negative views. This is why educating myself has been so helpful in many ways because I am finally starting to see things from a different point of view, a positive one. Looking back on it now; I feel like I have died in Iraq because my mind had been closed off and my emotions were cut off. Even tho I consider myself a failure most the time or believe this is how people view me, I do believe I need to give myself some credit for things I have accomplished because I did not get here from just doing nothing. I have relied on people making choices for me and this is why it became difficult to make choices for myself after military service. How many more sacrifices do I have to make or have I made? Are my sacrifices worth the benefits? I would have to say yes because I ask what is a compliment worth? This connects with the importance of having friends and family support. Compliments are priceless and can be very strong in changing someones mood, self esteem, self worth, and much more. I am going to start writing about more positive things because when I have sat back and really take some time to think about things I am finally seeing everything I should be so grateful and the good things people do around me and some how start becoming more involved. This is part of my path to being a great asset to society. I am here to just help you think about, not only what others have been through but how important it is to take that little time that you use for pleasure or entertainment and use that time to educate yourself on a problem you face. Maybe you would rather watch a movie, maybe you would rather do something else, the fact of the matter is time waits for no one so if you are only sitting back and occupying your time by doing something other than trying to educate yourself and seek out as much knowledge as possible then tomorrow you wont get that Ferrari, your friend will. Changing the way I think has change everything, it has changed the way the children act and how they perform in school, it has change my weight (I lost 30 unwanted pounds), The things I do with my children has change because I spend more personal time with them. I am so grateful for my family and especially my
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