Deep Thoughts

I’M JUST A SMALL TOWN BOY WITH BIG CITY LIFE DREAMS. but trust me I have never forgot about where I was raised and those around me that were nice to me and having that sense of comfort, love and security. 

I am very grateful to have those who've helped me and understand that you can't just wake up and be a differ t person  it's a process that takes time and money 

Did I find myself over indulging in materialist things? yes of course and this is because I truly believed i deserved more. Most of these things are to help make my life easier, happy, comfortable is this not what I deserve? Besides that I was fueled with the motivation by being extremely scared from giving up everything and loosing everything to do such a selfless job. 

This is also why I get angry when I see politicians stating the Iraq war was a failure and people then don't agree or understand why were there. again focusing their anger on only a small portion of the reality of the war. When I was deployed yea we were hyped and trained on killing and kept us aggressive but on the other hand we were doing more of a humanitarian mission, winning the hearts and minds by allowing our guard down by building trust and respect but also staying vigilant and aggressive that we were going to just allow anything get out of hand.

I feel like its not right and angers me about ones choice to help rally and support selfless acts giving up their money time and effort for an amputee but yet will flip it and put it on veterans with invisible wounds to belittle, point the finger, negatively judge them, and characterize them as someone that's not willing to help oneself by putting in effort or motivation as if veterans with invisible wounds is ungrateful for what they have been given and people around them when that's so far from the truth. Say what you want but I believe if I don't express how I feel despite your judgment and feelings then the 22 soldiers a day continue to die without a voice. I truly feel looking back on it that I was so consumed with everyones shit that if I had successfully committed suicide you would not here my side of the story or my perception of my own experiences. You would just be sitting back watching my sad story through ones perception and agenda without any real facts or answers. Some continue to ask why I care so much and tell me I need to just forget everything I have no control over and focus on myself. I just so truly deeply strongly believe in my point of view, and believe that the only way for change to happen is for those to be strong willed to open up and just share how the feel despite if society and majority agrees or not because the majority has never experienced what you have first hand.

This may be true in some situations but perceptions can vary and one would be that there is a big difference in one veteran who is internally injured, whether that be lung damage, back and spine injuries, knee injuries, and mental injuries and people (society) because of the perception that persuaded in media will belittle someone like this by calling them names like, bitch, weak, crazy, ungrateful on top of expecting them to handle, cope and deal on their own, even encouraging damaging behavior like drinking and drugs. Yet a veteran that has had a limb removed but that's it, (yes traumatizing) but the media will put this person in the line light and say (Look at him he can do it) but is so far from the truth, yes he may be doing some great things but when you pull back that curtain you realize its not just him doing it, its him and thousands of other people supporting him and helping him because media has convinced people that its more important to help one injured soldier over another. That's an unfair system that leads to reasoning for 22 veterans committing suicide a day and most have their limbs but lacked support so question are they ungrateful? but only then after a life is lost do people want to help or beg to question why they don't understand why this would be happening everyday. So is it OK to glorify one soldier with support over another when they are equally injured and suffering.


Are you going to get mad at what I am saying when there is many rappers and rich people out there saying more extreme things then I have said.

I'm trying to get around this illusion of war engines and fighting to put a spot light on why we were there and what we were doing and if you truly love and enjoy the quality of a consumeristic world all we were trying to do was show other people who are in havoc and distress that there is a better quality of life there are things to hope for and dream for and I feel like the system and society has turned a blind eye to providing the assistance and help that veterans need to keep hope to stay alive and feel like they still have a purpose and have accomplished something.

Why should I always feel like I am being pushed to the edge by society yet I was willing to walk on the edge to give them the right and freedom to even judge, control, manipulate people in the first place.

I needed time to recover and anyone struggling trying to pay bills or find a job knows you always feel like theres never enough time to do everything and this affects the quality and time that is needed to invest in ones recovery.

Then some people, well most will go as far as calling you a bitch, weak, and much more just because you don't fit their qualifications. So what!  I might physically be a bitch (Less capable) is this something to be embarrassed about? So I grew up with a little softer side and was raised allowed to indulge in sweets and harmful foods that lead into the difficulties of building muscle. This never disqualified me reaching for the stars and signing up to serve my country. Last time I remember even if I did struggle I do recall graduating and qualifying for my MOS through hard work and pushing myself beyond my limits. See I don't know if everyone knows this but is it not obvious there is a lot of different people. Is this not what makes America great? the variety of cultures and people coming together as one for one purpose of the pursuit of happiness? Well I am here to let you know that ones limits might be different from another and this is where in the military you learn to work as a team. You need to be mentally and physically strong in order to survive in the military as combat arms. So being around that can cause you to ignore pain or further damage you and cause you to ignore the damage you might be doing to your body.
 


IF YOU DONT LIKE WHAT I SAY AND THINK I AM WRONG THEN PROVE ME WRONG AND SHOW ME DIFFERENT BY OFFERING ME AN OPPORTUNITY TO PROVIDE FOR MYSELF BECAUSE I HAVE YET TO LET ANYONE DOWN.



https://www.gofundme.com/xknjy2ks

This is something I been thinking about too when it comes to dealing with the perceptions of older vets because I believe there is a divide among young vets and what they need and want and what old vets are fighting for and what they need and want. Also our experiences are completely different so for a system to be only based off the perceptions and experience from old vets well then thats why you see many more old vets at VFW and VA and why they struggle to bring in the younger ones suffering and need the help that they can offer.