Trying to open up

Every sense I came home from Iraq in 2009 I have felt disconnected and found it very hard to express my feelings. I am at a point in my life where I am finally starting to open up and even recognize the problems within my that I needed to face. Two years ago I started making the first decisions to change my life around. I quiet smoking cigarettes and  drinking alcohol and beer. I started gaining  Weight and noticed how I been messing body up this whole time because I started having very very bad stomach pains and acid reflux, this is when I started to notice a problem and made appointments at the VA to get checked. Even tho the appointment are always 2 months away by the time it came around There was always something preventing me from going to my appointment like gas or unable to find a ride. I started paying a lot more attention to the way I was eating, what I was eating. By buying healthier food and no longer drinking I started to loose my weight. The reason I am sharing this with you is because all of this goes along with my mental health and without looking within myself I would never be able to be in an healthy relationship. Everyday I battle to push myself to open up and not let the fear of failure and embarrassment hold me back from taking care of things and doing what is expected of me. A relationship is not what someone can do for you but what you can offer them. I am not ashamed to say I don't have a TV in my house and this has changed and forced the family to find healthy ways of dealing with each other and respect for one another. Of course a lot of this has to do with the fact Its hard for a veteran like myself to have or get and extra 1,000 to get a TV that the family could enjoy